“Your lost friends are not dead, but gone before, advanced a stage or two upon that road which you must travel in the steps they trod.” Aristophanes
I was walking around Dubrovnik old town today when a song came out of one of the cafes that reminded me of Steven . . . "No, I can't stop loving, no, I won't stop loving you . . . . " It was popular about the time that he died. Suddenly I was stung with that deep, painful longing for his companionship. Yet I also know that my life would not be what it is now if he were still alive. He had done a lot of traveling when he was young and did not have the passion for it that I have. Nor did he have the money. I probably would have foregone traveling to be with him, and that would have been a sadness and a deep longing for me also. There is the old adage, "You can do whatever you want. Follow your dreams!" But there are times when two deep desires conflict.
And so I carry Steven with me wherever I go. I lean over the castle wall to view the sea far below. The wind blows across the water, hits the rock and vegetation and then the castle wall as it rises to meet me. The air is cool and full of the aroma of fish and sea and flowers. It feels like a kiss, blown from the sea. I breathe it in and think it not possible to breathe such air and be unhealthy. I breathe it back out to Steven, to Tony, to Gretchen, to Michelle, Sarina, Beth, Catherine, David, to all who suffer and to all who are happy. In and out, in and out. The sea feeds me and I pass it on.
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