What Gives My Life Juice?

I've been in a quandary for the past few months about "What to do about the future?" Where do I live, considering it seems I can't find a place to live that I like? But that's not quite true. When I let my thoughts and feelings ramble outside their box, what I discover is that I end up in Mexico again and again. I must return to Mexico, to re-visit Merida and San Cristobal. I must see Palenque and Oaxaca. Aiyeee . . . . yes. When I think of all the places I've been, it's Mexico that calls me back the strongest. I loved Merida, I thought it was one of the most beautiful cities. It's not really. It's just a plain city, all square blocks. But I felt so safe there. A city of one million people, people who walk, people who stroll around the large central park every evening, people who gather in the town center to watch traditional dancers and musicians. I love it. Did I say that already?

Beach near Merida

I think it's fair to assume that when I think about doing something or going some place and I get those wonderful, excited feelings . . . then that's exactly what I should be doing. I can't face settling in to some "nice" senior apartments yet. I'm not crazy about Junction, though I think it will function as a home base someday. Just not yet. I'm certain that I want to spend this coming winter in Mexico. Nothing else will do.

A Moment in Time

Claudia and I have opted for a ferry ride on the Bosphorus. The boat is crowded; a veritable stew of people from all over the world. I settle down on an inside bench, out of the wind and next to a man a few years younger than myself. Somehow in our greeting conversation I learn that he is Iraqi.
"Do you like Americans," I ask?
"No," he replies.
My casual traveler-meeting-traveler facade collapses and tears well up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry," I say. "I never wanted this war. I cried for Iraqis. I cry now.".
No more words were spoken between us, but our worlds had been bridged and our hearts had touched. We spoke silently of the suffering of being human and our inability to ease the suffering of others. And yet we did, in that moment, do exactly that. I was able to give voice to my grief and he was able to understand and forgive. Was this moment the reason I left Armenia early and traveled to Turkey? Just to meet this one Iraqi, to apologize to him, and to receive his understanding back? It feels that way. It's one of the most powerful memories of my trip.
A few minutes later we have regained our composure and another passenger takes our photo. I notice that our heads are tipping towards each other and we are both smiling.

 

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."  Helen Keller

Good Morning!

I suppose everyone will be out shopping at the mall all day. I'd love to go too, but alas, I must wash my hair and feed the cat today.

On another note . . . 

The Happy Place

I think I should be able to find it. I keep looking.

Okay, so this is me. I want to travel almost all the time but I also want a home base. Unfortunately, I can't seem to afford both. I want to live some place for awhile, then travel for awhile. An RV or trailer of some sort seems like an ideal solution. But I've yet to see even one affordable (under $500/mo) RV park in Colorado that I like.  So until I can find a place to put it - other than in a storage lot - I'll wait to buy it.

A New-Comer's Eye View

I'm new to Grand Junction. When traveling, one of the first things I do when I enter a town is get my bearings. I walk. I step out my front door and I walk the street in front. Then I go around the block. I gradually make longer arcs until I know very well where I am. In this way, I also get a feel for the local culture and people.

So I decided to greet Grand Junction the same way. The fact that Junction was not built with walkers in mind doesn't daunt me. That in itself tells me a story. When walking around a city or town, I like to see what people are doing, how they go about their day. Grand Junction, it seems, was built with the car in mind. It's streets are mostly laid out in square grids. Sidewalks line most of the streets, but very few people walk along them for pleasure. Students scurry about the campus but other than that it seems the sidewalks are only used by those who have no other means of transportation.

In search of a place to walk where I didn't have to deal with traffic noise and exhaust and where I could find a little nature, I stumbled upon Connected Lakes Park on the western edge of town. Its winding path is lined with giant cottonwood trees and follows along the river. I meet other walkers here but it's never crowded. People go there for the quiet and solitude so one can sit quietly by the lake or on the edge of a field to observe wildlife and be assured that others will respect that. It has a very restful feeling about it. Its winding tree-lined path is in sharp contrast to the angular and barren city.

Good Morning!

Welcome to a New Day on Planet Earth! Awesome, eh? Awesome and weird. We open our eyes, we breathe in, we breathe out. I pick up a cup which miraculously holds liquid, even though it is made of nothing but energy and space. I turn my head and direct my hand to lift the cup; I swallow and feel pleasure. Then I return to typing. The most hideous-looking creatures all climbing all over me right now. That little itch on my head, that tickle on my neck. They are grooming me, happily munching my dead skin. I look around and know that I am. How weird and awesome is all that? 

wikileaks

All focus is on Assange, not on the content of the material. Well, perhaps there are many right now sitting at desks high in the sky poring over them letter by letter. I'm sure. But the media, the government. Their reactions have been interesting. Actually, they've been frightening. It seems that we the people are expected to give up every sort of privacy in our dear war on terrorism. To the point that I must allow some goon at the airport to grope my crotch if I want to fly. However, those in the government live so much in secrecy that they can't conceive of living in the open. I see fear on old Hillary's face when she speaks, and it seems to be a personally felt fear. That is, not fear of some abstraction in the future. I swear, she almost looked like a lizard when she spoke out against Assange; her eyes were large, they darted; her skin looked pale, she seemed a little breathless. The most interesting thing about all of this is that it seems to be bringing the rope in tighter around us. Who's surprised? Any excuse. Our freedom shrinks to nearly nothing. They have reacted with knee-jerk quickness. New "Patriot Acts" to follow. Taking any bets?

Touching the World Outside my Door

People just don't know what they miss when they don't walk. I get such a sense of a place when I walk around it. I've been walking and bussing the streets and trails around GJ the way I do other new cities I visit. I occasionally see others out on the trails: couples walking their dogs, middle-aged men jogging, an older couple, a man with his kids. The trails are used, but not much, which suits me just fine. Nevertheless, the city is trying . . . .

What gives?

I just went to http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/v/voltaire.html to find one of Voltaire's quotes and found this gem, "An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination." There are many others. Quite the wit! Perhaps I should read some of his writing too. Though at the moment I'm deep into two books. I'm about half-way through Broken Circle by Rodney Barker. And I've picked up a second book to catch up with the Intermediate English reading group at the library. It's a little book, The Circuit: stories from the life of a migrant child by Francisco Jimenez. Very straightforward telling of life. I'm always amazed by writers who can recapture that childhood experience without overlaying their adult mindset on it.

Grand Junction transit

I hopped on the bus yesterday and went downtown. A buzz by the library to pick up a hold then to the Main Street Diner for coffee and a cinnamon danish. Then I walked and took pictures like a tourist. I took pictures of the sculptures, the street scenes, the bus station. I rode the bus to Hobby Lobby on North Ave and bought some yarn, then back again. I watched people getting on and off and reflected that here public transportation is for the poor and that's partly why few will ride it for "green" purposes. It needs an image uplift. The buses are clean, the bus station is new. They only run hourly and only on the major routes but it's functional; one can get around. There were still significant stretches of walking between rides so I arrived home with sore feet and calves from all the pounding on the concrete. But it was fun. A soak in the spa fixed the soreness.

Today I guess I'll go back to the library to pick up a book on the Continental Divide in Colorado which I want to hike next summer, fill out a couple more job applications, then go for a long walk in that lovely country just outside of town. Now that it's finally cooling off - this has to have been the hottest October in Grand Junction in forever - walking in this "high desert" is a pleasure.

Downtown Grand Junction

Armenia

I sometimes strongly wish that I could have stayed in Armenia for 2 years. I drift back there in my memory and begin to re-settle in.

Then suddenly I remember all the challenges . . . .

But I met some wonderfully strong and beautiful people there who will remain in my heart forever. And if prayers and blessings have any power at all - Oh I hope they do! - then Armenia will prosper now and in the future. Sadness engulfs me when I think that I may never return there. And truly, who can know what the future brings?

I finally got around to driving up to Grand Mesa. The fall colors are just beginning: dry mountain slopes were covered in rust and gold; cascades of yellow and orange poured down the ravines from the top of the mesa. I was wanting to get up there and see some GREEN - and I did and it was lovely.

What I couldn't capture with the camera were the scent of the evergreens and the sound of the wind through the forest. There was almost no one else up there. I saw a few people near the parking area and trailhead but I saw no one else on the trail. It was eerie to walk along this wide, well-maintained hiking trail, complete with benches, and not see anyone else. Grand Mesa doesn't offer many grand vistas from the trails. It's mostly flat land - a relative concept in Colorado - okay, it's mostly a rolling forested landscaped, dotted with natural and human-made lakes. I don't enjoy going to Grand Mesa in the summer. There are lots of people up there then but the worst of it are the mosquitoes. They are large and fierce and persistent. In the winter it's a big cross-country ski and snowmobile paradise. This time of year is just perfect as far as I'm concerned. Not many people, the mosquitoes are gone, it's cool, the colors are outrageous.

Isn't that photo lovely? Aw, I don't know if I can capture just how beautiful it is there without the smells and sounds.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. So here are 3,000 words ~ adieu

Addicted to Spending?

I seem to have this craving to spend money since my return. It's kind of crazy. At first it was fun to buy this and that - new stuff for the home mostly. Then I bought myself some much needed clothes. But it's the other, frivolous stuff that I'm doing that is different. I signed up for cable television. (I canceled after one month. Such dribble.) Then I bought some silly video games off the internet. And I seem to be spending spending spending. It has slowed down, but I still sometimes must go out just to buy some hooks or scotch tape or something. When Beth lived with my mother for awhile she nearly went mad with Great-Gramma's requests. She would make numerous trips to the store just to get little things, or one item only. Could this be a family trait? So, I fought off the "spending addiction" by my cancellation of cable tv and by not buying any more silly computer games. Majong is enough. :o)

The weather has been maw-velous, simply maw-velous. At last I'm able to get out and walk in the surrounding public lands. It's such beautiful country, but harsh to walk in during the summer. One rarely thinks of landscapes like these when thinking of Colorado.

I captured a more classic Colorado scene a few weeks ago while camping with Michelle near Vickers. I drove my poor little car up this awful road, then we walked for about a mile to an old mining site. The day was perfect: warm and sunny. Michelle and I climbed to the top of the mine tailings then explored the old buildings.

Konrad and Sarina were refusing to enjoy themselves and looked on this excursion as a death march. I find it amusing to observe how each generation believes they are the ones who know it all and yet we endlessly repeat our ancestors' lives without knowing it. My grandchildren go through the same life phases that my children went through and that I went through. At 12 & 13 they're just not into this hiking stuff. It's boring. They did enjoy their excursion to the top of Cottonwood Pass, though they acted like it was murder. But secretly they were really enjoying themselves, I could tell. :o)

A Little Bit Like Finland

Today Gretchen and I went up on the Grand Mesa, just to stroll through the woods and look for mushrooms. As it turns out it was a fine fine day for both. I gathered a bagful of chanterelles and boletus'. So the next step on my agenda today is to make a pot of mushroom soup.

The weather was remarkable. This is really the best time to be there. There are fewer tourists and virtually no mosquitoes. The temperature was in the high 70s. The unfortunate part of it is that the nearest pine tree to my house is still 50 miles away. You can see the stark differences in the landscape here. If I go slightly west, I hit landscapes like this:
But if I drive east, I find landscapes like this:

The Sound of Silence

I feel as if I'm floating in some other space and time. I've been on the go since I arrived home 3 weeks ago. Camping all week, then daughter and grandkids here in GJ for 3 days. They just left and everything is now eerily quiet - just the tapping of my computer keys and the drone of the refrigerator. And my tinnitus. This will pass, this will pass . . . .

The cable company dropped by Friday afternoon and I said, sure, Y-not? $30/month, no contract. Let's see what television is like these days. We watched some the past couple of days. Very interesting, very interesting. I didn't really 'grok' it. A lot of reality television, which I think is just normal people being filmed as they go about their affairs. They are so bizarre. I particularly like the interesting ads for condoms. It will be fun watching it, like being a new arrival from a distant planet.

It's hard to tell what the economic state of GJ is. The houses around the center of town look a bit rundown, though the downtown shopping area looks vital and there's lots of new housing. The streets, sidewalks and bridges are being repaired under the Stimulus package. Lots of new stores. So it feels like it's prospering overall. Interesting.

Rollin', rollin' . . . .

I barely arrived home than I took off for a 10-day camping trip, which was shortened by two days by cold and thunderstorms. We drove out of the Collegiate Peaks campground on Thursday in a rain of hail and a lightning storm. Michelle and grandkids have come to GJ to visit for 3 days instead. Here it's hot hot hot. I wanted to go to the National Monument yesterday, but by 11am it was already getting sweltering and we decided to jump in the swimming pool instead.

I of course haven't settled into any kind of routine yet. Mostly I've just been packing and unpacking, touching base with people, trying to figure out what my next direction is. There is no lack of volunteer opportunities. Paying work may be another story. :o) We shall see. GJ looks like a boom town. I can't believe how much construction has taken place here in the past two years. I guess this is all part of the economic stimulus package. Seems like a good idea - roads being repaired, bridges, city landscaping. It's good.

I was going through my photos, looking at Tblisi photos, what a fun weekend that was, what a pretty place. It's so hard to keep from having that surreal dream feeling as I look back over the past year and a half. Before I left for Armenia I had been traveling in Mexico and Central America. So in the past 18 months I've visited 20 countries!: Mexico, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Armenia, Thailand, Dubai (UAE), Georgia, Turkey, Bulgaria, Macedonia, Albania, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Switzerland, Estonia and Finland. It becomes most amazing to me when I spell it out like that! Especially considering I spent 10 of those months in one country. Whew. I'm tired. I think I'll go back to bed.