I wouldn't believe it if I didn't live it. I am so different when I am 'on the road.' I become more out-going and happier. The world around me is fresh and exciting. I respond by being alert and open. Now I feel myself shutting down again and I know that I can't stay here. I can't afford the rent on places that appeal to me and the subsidized places are . . . well. . . . they're nice, really. I just don't feel ready for them. They're so plain, boxes full of old women, no vegetable gardens happening, no pets allowed.
I say I can't live without my cat or a dog and yet even as I say that I'm making plans to travel, to live dormitory style, or in an RV for 5 months, or camping and after that to head to Mexico. "And what about Jupiter," Catherine asks me. I know, I know. Is it possible that I could somehow bring him along with me? Well, anyway, I diverge. Or perhaps not. The point of the story is that I seem to be split in half on every issue in my life right now. If I make one choice I gain this and lose that. If I make another, something else is gained and lost.
Ah, the winter blues. I do believe they are bugging me. That melancholy part of me that comes around in January and February. I feel low on energy, easily lose drive, tired a lot, lack of motivation. Or it could be that my thyroid needs some adjusting.
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